


read my lips

by jisquish



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Deaf!Changbin, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, That is all, Violence, also i've been told i need to add 'prepare some tissues', also woojin is a badass, apparently u will cry but it's super sweet i promise, basically changbin is me, changbin + hyunjin are bffs, changbin and hyunjin are just whipped for their boys, felix is cute, seungmin is soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 23:26:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14175642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jisquish/pseuds/jisquish
Summary: Changbin is Deaf. Felix has fascinating lips.(or, the emo gay highschool AU where felix is just cute and changbin is just whipped.)





	read my lips

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic and it somehow became 16.3k. I apologize for nothing, this fic is my baby. i hope u enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it.
> 
> a HUGE thank you to versekiller on ao3 for being the absolutely best beta i could have asked for. it is only because of her that this fic isn't just one big run-on sentence. love ya <33
> 
> disclaimer: i am not Deaf, nor am i close with anyone who is (fully) Deaf. i am basing changbin's Deafness in this fic loosely off of my stepmom's experience with hearing loss and off internet research. it is definitely not 100% accurate. take it all with a grain of salt.
> 
> for the sake of highschool AU i just used the 4 year (American oops) system as that's what i'm familiar with:  
> jeongin - sophomore - 16  
> 00 line + changbin - juniors - 16/17  
> minho, woojin, chan - seniors - 17/18
> 
> warnings for homophobia/homophobic language, mild violence and assault, and a shit-ton of cussing.
> 
> this fic has been [translated to russian!](https://ficbook.net/readfic/6875132)

 

Changbin has been staring out the window of his first hour Biology class for the past ten minutes.

It’s not good, he knows—he misses things much too easily—but Hyunjin sits next to him, and he trusts his friend to nudge him if he really needs to be paying attention.

It’s a dismal day. The sky is borderline white with clouds, and the air this morning promised rain to come. He hopes it’s a lightning storm—he loves the brightness against the night sky, and of course isn’t bothered by thunder.

Squinting at the street in front of his high school, he sees a gray car pull up. The small figure of someone with short blonde hair unfolds themselves from the vehicle, waves goodbye to someone inside, and walks towards the entrance of the school.

Changbin frowns, leaning closer to the window. He spends a lot of time observing people, their faces and body language, as it’s the best way for him to gauge the tone of what they’re saying without actually hearing it. But he doesn’t think he’s ever seen whoever that was. A new student? A visitor?

The blonde figure slips from his mind as he spends the next ten minutes daydreaming,  letting his eyes drift shut with the apathy of mid-October.

Several minutes later, a sharp elbow bumps his ribcage and he jolts back to alertness, turning his attention to the teacher at the front of the room (who makes brief, disappointed eye contact with him), confused about what could be happening. In a moment, though, he sees that the door has opened, and that Principal Jung has entered, along with a blonde boy that looks about his age, or a bit younger. He must be the figure Changbin saw emerge from the car earlier. Up closer, he has an interesting face, pretty eyes and soft lips, and a nervous air about him, and—are those _freckles_?

The principal is speaking. Changbin hates when Mr. Jung speaks—he’s got a small mouth and he doesn’t move it much, so reading his lips is a nightmare. Changbin is only in the second row, but he still has to squint to make out what he’s saying.

“... exchange student from Australia,” Mr. Jung continues. “I hope you will all make him feel welcome, and help him with his Korean.” Changbin glances at the boy, who looks embarrassed at this.

The principal says something Changbin can’t quite make out, but he can tell it was awkward. He nods to the new boy before exiting. The boy bows stiffly, clearly unaccustomed to the gesture, then turns to face Ms. Kim.

“Hi!” she says, with a smile much warmer than the one offered by the principal. “I’m Ms. Kim, we’re very glad to have you. I think there’s a free seat right there in the front.”

New Kid nods, giving her a small smile— _oh shit he smiles like sunlight—_ and drops his bag in the indicated seat, one ahead and two to the left of where Changbin’s sitting. New Kid’s deskmate happens to be Jisung, another friend of Changbin’s, and for some reason Changbin curses him in his head for having the luck to be sitting there at that moment. Jisung offers New Kid a squishy-cheeked smile, and he hesitantly gives one back, prompting Jisung to lean closer and say something Changbin can’t make out—he’s at the wrong angle—but luckily, he’s in position for a perfect view of New Kid’s face and lips. Oddly enough, he can’t decipher his excited response—is he speaking English or something?—but he looks instantly more relieved, sticking out a hand to shake Jisung’s with vigor, a big smile splitting his face. The sight does something indescribable to Changbin’s chest.

All these musings are interrupted by Hyunjin’s ugly hand flapping itself over Changbin’s line of sight. With a scowl, he turns to look at the menace in question, who smirks at him knowingly. “So,” he says, shit-eating grin firmly in place, lifting his hands to sign as he speaks, “the transfer student, huh?”

Changbin feels his face redden, the blood rushing to his cheeks. With a grumble, he buries his face in his arms, refusing to look at his friend for the rest of the hour.

 

*

 

Second, third, and fourth hour, he makes sure to scan every classroom for another sight of New Kid. He desperately wants to get closer to his face and examine those freckles ( _were_ they freckles?). He’s aware that sounds creepy, which is why it is not a thought he voices aloud. Hyunjin tries to needle him about it all through second hour, but Changbin stubbornly refuses to look at him, so he only has to suffer through the intermittent pokes to his ribcage.

Fortunately, he doesn’t see Hyunjin again till lunch, so he can keep an eye out for New Kid a little more shamelessly. Unfortunately, he doesn’t see the blonde boy again either, except once briefly from the end of a hallway between third and fourth hour. Fifteen minutes into fourth hour, when he’s sure New Kid isn’t going to walk in, he gives up and rests his chin on his arms again, spacing out as he waits for the midday break.

When all the other kids start getting up, signalling that the lunch bell must have rung, he all but sprints to the cafeteria, making his way to his regular table where Seungmin and Jeongin are already seated. He drops his bag and flops down on a chair as he scans the crowded lunchroom. After a few frustrated sweeps of still not seeing him, he finally registers a hand resting on his forearm, and turns to look at a startled Jeongin.

“You good?” the younger boy asks, face twisted in confusion and even a little concern. Changbin realises that he must have looked a little frantic, and he forces a laugh, reminding himself that he is being absolutely ridiculous.

“I’m good, sorry.” Jeongin waits a moment to make sure, then nods, going back to his rice with determination.

Hyunjin slides in next to Seungmin, who immediately throws an arm around his boyfriend and shoves his face into his shoulder. Hyunjin leans into him, the picture of comfortable. They’re the touchiest couple Changbin’s ever known, and though he and the rest of their friends tease them about the PDA, they all still find it cute. Changbin knows they find comfort in each other’s presence—they got a lot of shit from a lot of assholes when they started dating, but they’d never let it interfere with anything between them.

Hyunjin was the first person Changbin had come out to, almost a month ago. He’d hugged the shorter boy tightly, holding the back of his head as Changbin cried nonsensically into his best friend’s shirt. He’d always been there, to use his height and slightly intimidating looks to tell people like Jaeyoung to fuck off when necessary, to be an idiot when Changbin just needed a laugh, to be a warm body to hug when everything was just too much. He’s an asshole, but Changbin doesn’t know how he’d live without him.

“Seo Changbin has a _crush_ ,” Hyunjin says, wiggling his eyebrows, and Changbin decides that no, never mind, scratch that, he’s just an asshole. He feels a blush creeping up his neck for the nth time that day.

“I do _not,_ ” he proclaims, hopefully not too loudly, and throws Hyunjin the dirtiest look he can muster.

“Who?” demands Seungmin, lifting his head from Hyunjin’s shoulder to smile softly at Changbin.

“ _No one,_ ” Changbin says, at the same time as Hyunjin says, “The new transfer student,” at which point Changbin promptly gives up and buries his face in his hands with a whine. After a moment though, he feels hands tugging at his own and removes them exhaustedly. Jeongin is looking at him with a sly smile.

“Is that who you were looking for when you came in here?”

“Oh my god,” Changbin whines. “Will you all leave me alone?”

“No,” Hyunjin says, grinning, “because he sits next to me in my fourth hour History and we hit it the _fuck_ off, and I’m introducing you to him as soon as I locate the clown.”

“Oh my god do not,” Changbin says, eyes wide. “Please. Let me die in peace.”

“That was never even an option.”

“Is that him?” Seungmin asks, pointing sleepily across the cafeteria. Changbin turns so fast he gets whiplash. Even without hearing it, he knows Hyunjin is likely guffawing behind him, but he doesn’t care. He rubs the crick in his neck as he scans the cafeteria for telltale blonde hair.

Sure enough, there New Boy stands, barely a table away, holding a tray of cafeteria food (unfortunate) and seemingly in avid conversation with—Bang Chan? Changbin doesn’t know the older boy that well, but he seems cool.

Once again though, when Changbin stares at New Boy’s lips, he can’t make anything out properly. He can’t read lips if the lips aren’t speaking Korean. (The lips can still be nice to look at, though.) He watches as Chan and New Boy walk over to where Jisung is seated, waving excitedly at them, and watches the blonde boy sit with his back to Changbin’s table with more than a twinge of disappointment.

(Seriously, what is _wrong_ with him today?)

He turns back, not noticing the scowl on his face until Jeongin mocks him for it. He waves off the younger boy, embarrassed and confused.

“I can’t—” He breaks off, frowning, unsure of whether he wants to continue.

He’s saved the concern of doing so when Hyunjin says, “Isn’t Chan from Australia too?”

Jeongin murmurs in assent. Too? That’s right. New Boy was an exchange student from Australia. He must be speaking English—and Jisung spoke English too, that’s right. No wonder they’d hit it off. Changbin feels his heart sink a little lower. He’s always been terrible at English. He’s not sure why this matters now.’

Hyunjin taps the table in Changbin’s line of sight, prompting him to look up. They’d developed little motions like that over the years. He’s still smiling, but it’s kinder, less sly and more understanding. “His name is Felix,” he says, and thankfully leaves it at that.

_Felix._

Changbin thinks he might be getting a fever, because he feels a little lightheaded for the rest of the day. But not necessarily in a bad way.

 

*

 

A couple days later, Changbin has been doing his best not to be weird to New Kid (to _Felix_ ). In his opinion, he’s succeeded. In Hyunjin’s less valid opinion, he stares too much. But Changbin sits kinda-sorta-behind Felix anyway, so really he’s just looking forward, in his defense, which is exactly where he’s _supposed_ to be looking. It’s really not his fault that he spends most of Biology staring at Felix’s lips. It doesn’t help that Felix has the very distracting habit of listening to music all through class, and _mouthing the lyrics to it_ , which is really just not fair. In so many ways.

(Changbin borrows Hyunjin’s notes after class for three days, and Hyunjin wisely chooses not to comment.)

Felix also shows up in Changbin’s sixth hour AP Literature class, one he shares with Seungmin. Unfortunately, this time Felix sits behind Changbin, and he can’t very well turn himself around to look at him, so he spends that hour fidgeting with his sleeves pulled over his hands and failing to pay proper attention to the teacher. That class, he’s always eager to get out of—the whole hour he can’t shake the feeling that the back of his head is burning, and it is probably his wishful thinking, but the last three times he’ turned around at the end of class to pick up his backpack, he’s made brief, tense eye contact with the blonde boy. Each time, though, it ends with them awkwardly looking away, and with Changbin exiting the classroom with a red face.

“You are so incredibly whipped, my dude,” Hyunjin says the next day in the cafeteria, when Changbin makes the mistake of voicing this to him, even signing it for emphasis.

“I am not,” Changbin pauses, “ _Whipped._ And you will do kindly to mind your own fucking business.” He shoves his shoulder. “Drink water. Stay in your lane. It’s free.”

Hyunjin flops down next to Seungmin, curling into him instinctively. It’s a gesture Changbin’s seen him do a million ways before, and it makes him feel a little soft. “It is completely not free,” he says once he’s sure Changbin is looking at him. “It is costing me my time, and my sanity.”

“I didn’t ask you to involve yourself,” Changbin says, a bit testily.

“C’mon, hyung! Felix is so cool. He’s like, hyper—he’s not really like you—but he’s a super nice dude and I know you two would hit it off.”

“I’m really fine as is.”

“Didn’t take you as the type to just pine from afar.”

“I am not _pining—_ ”

He cuts himself off abruptly as Hyunjin and Seungmin both look up across the table, following their line of sight until it rests on Jisung, standing with a cheerful smile and none other than Chan and—speak of the fucking devil—Felix. New Boy. Sunshine Smile. Bane Of Changbin’s Existence.

Up close, they clearly _are_ freckles. Also, Changbin is fucked.

He chokes on his meal a little bit, and looks down for a second as he composes himself, resigning himself (almost gladly) to missing whatever is being said. When he looks up though, he sees that Jisung has clearly been _waiting_ for him, like some kind of thoughtful asshole out to embarrass him in front of The Prettiest Boy In The World. Changbin feels himself blush, but Jisung just grins and launches into speech, moving his hands in clumsy sign language even though Changbin has told him before he can read lips. Sometimes Jisung is just a little too thoughtful.

“Sorry we haven’t been sitting with you guys lately, we’ve been hanging out with Felix—” he helpfully points to Felix, who does a small wave ( _shit that’s cute_ ) “—and helping to get him adjusted to the new environment. But we wanted to introduce you all now! So uh, Felix, this is Hyunjin, Seungmin-ah, and our Changbinnie. Hyung.”

Of all the fucking ways to introduce him. Changbin is sure his ears are bright red, and he refuses to allow himself to look at Hyunjin, keeping his gaze firmly fixed on Jisung’s hands as they point excitedly across the cafeteria.

“And there’s Jeongin now,” he continues, seemingly unperturbed by Changbin’s glare as he waves to the younger boy. “And then Woojin hyung and Minho hyung hang out with us sometimes too, but they’re in Chan’s grade.”

“Cool,” Felix says, his soft lips forming the word slowly, but his eyes are on Jisung’s hands where they sit, prepared to gesture in rusty sign language. “Are you—why—”

“Oh!” Jisung seems to follow his train of thought, glancing down and then pointedly at Changbin.

_Do not look at me._

“Changbin…?”

_… I swear to Christ._

It’s not that Changbin’s self-conscious about his voice, except that he is. He knows plenty of Deaf people can’t talk, and he has the benefit of not having been Deaf his whole life, but he just never knows if he sounds weird or stupid or too loud or too quiet or too anything. He usually avoids talking around strangers—has signed his way through pretending to be mute, even—and certainly does not feel like embarrassing himself in front of a cute boy.

(Fuck. He’s admitting that he finds Felix cute now? Fuck. He is so screwed.)

But Jisung just looks at him and waits, and in a panic, he presses his lips tightly together, lifts his hands, and just signs, _I’m Deaf._

Jisung stares at him in confusion. He’s been his friend since freshman year and knows  that Changbin can talk, but Jisung also comes with the helpful quality of not questioning most things. With a shrug, he opens his mouth to translate, but is cut off by Felix.

“Oh, okay!” Changbin sees his lips say, but beyond that, he sees his _hands_ say it, because this ray of sunshine from Australia with blonde hair and pillow lips and freckles is speaking to him in _sign language_ right now, and What Is Life?

“My cousin lives in Jeonju, and she’s hearing impaired,” he continues, hands moving fluidly. _I learned KSL when I was a kid and just never forgot. I speak it better than regular Korean at this point._ He finishes that last part only signing, leaving Jeongin and Seungmin (both of whose sign language leaves something to be desired) blinking in confusion.

Something very warm and jittery is splintering Changbin’s heart, and he sort of a little bit feels maybe like he’s made entirely of bees, and he can’t stop a small smile from creeping onto his face as he looks up at the blonde boy. _That’s… cool,_ he signs awkwardly. There’s a pause, and then he continues, _You guys gonna sit?_

With an enormous grin, Felix sits down next to Changbin, whose heart promptly leaps into his throat. Jisung sits down on the other side, laughing and nudging Felix, saying “You never told me you knew sign language!” to which Felix responds “You never asked!” He signs the whole while like it’s second nature, and it probably is.

Changbin makes the mistake of looking across the table at Hyunjin, who is staring at him with a mixture of exasperation and amusement. As discretely as he can manage, he signs across the table to Changbin, _Why aren’t you talking?_

Before Changbin can answer, Felix has turned back to them. “You’re in my Bio class, right? And Literature?”

Changbin feels very overwhelmed. He nods, his throat dry. Felix is just much too close. He can count all his freckles. There’s a big smattering of them over his right cheek, and on the tip of his nose. One two three—

“Cool,” Felix says, again smiling at him. It’s blinding. Changbin did not ask to die, not at the tender age of 17. And yet.

He spends the rest of his lunch period in horrified silence, Felix occasionally making cheerful and enthusiastic conversation, and Hyunjin throwing him increasingly more teasing glances from across the table. At some point, Jisung looks up from his phone to throw one of his own to Changbin, and Changbin knows Hyunjin has texted him the situation.

He thinks he would very much like to curl up somewhere dark and quiet, preferably a grave. Or a ditch. He’s not picky.

After spending a good 30 minutes behaving as if he is not only deaf, but mute, he exchanges a very awkward (on his part) goodbye with Felix, who smiles and waves, seeming completely unperturbed by Changbin’s somewhat chilly behavior. The younger boy follows Jisung and Jeongin out of the cafeteria and Changbin immediately slumps forward in his seat, distress splashed across his features.

“WHY _,_ ” Hyunjin demands as soon as he’s certain Felix is out of earshot, exaggerating the word so much that Changbin can barely read his lips. Changbin just groans in response.

“ _Dude_ ,” Hyunjin says, half amused and half dismayed for his friend. “Why?”

Seungmin just offers Changbin an apologetic grin. He never says much. Changbin thinks that’s why he likes him.

“I’ve just completely screwed myself over, haven’t I,” Changbin says, staring off into the distance.

“Yeah mate,” Hyunjin says, clapping him on the back as he stands to go to his 5th hour, “I’m afraid you might’ve.”

 

*

 

Changbin flees sixth hour the moment it ends, not wanting to chance an interaction with Felix. He’d already embarrassed himself enough.

When school ends, he meets with Hyunjin and Seungmin as they usually do. Seungmin’s house is on the way to Changbin’s, and Hyunjin usually goes home with either one or the other. Today it’s Changbin. They wave goodbye to Seungmin and watch him go into his house, then set off towards Changbin’s.

Changbin rarely goes anywhere alone. He isn’t at danger the same way he’d be if he was blind, or even mute—he can still yell for help if necessary—but there are still precautions he has to take. Someone could easily sneak up on him, and there are any number of things that he just wouldn’t be able to hear. This became very apparent to everyone in Changbin’s eighth grade year, when he was mugged on the walk home from school and showed up home with a black eye, split lip, and short about 50,000 won.

His middle school had been in a dodgy part of town, and Changbin had friends that had had similar things happen to them. But as much as he protested that he likely would have not avoided the jump even if he _could_ hear them approaching, his mother and friends were already protective enough over the Deaf boy to be agitated into such a state as to rarely leave him by himself.

The fierce helicoptering has followed him through three years of high school now. Changbin secretly likes it. He struggles often with feeling very alone, but Hyunjin and Jisung and the rest of his friends’ constant presences make it a little easier to bear.

When they arrive at Changbin’s house, they jog up to his room and collapse on his bed like they’ve done a million times before. Changbin usually takes a nap right after school, which is likely not to the benefit of his already fucked-up sleep schedule, but he’s far from caring. It’s been a taxing few days.

But before he can kick his shoes off and close his eyes, Hyunjin grabs at his arm to get his attention. “What?” he asks, a little whiny, turning to face his friend.

“Dude,” Hyunjin says, grinning at him and lazily half-signing his words. “If you think you’re getting away with not talking to me about Felix, you’ve got another thing coming.”

“Oh, _god,_ ” Changbin says, face instantly reddening as he recalls the events of this morning. “Please. Don’t. I don’t have the strength to relive that.”

“Are you just going to pretend you’re mute?” Hyunjin persists, sobering a little. “That’s not going to end well.”

“It’s not some— _malicious_ lie, or anything. I barely even _know_ the kid.”

“... But you wa-a-ant to,” Hyunjin says, wiggling his eyebrows. Changbin gives him a cold glare.

“I’m not talking about this. To you. Not right now.”

“Fine,” Hyunjin says with a grin, “but you’re going to have to at some point. And I’ll be here! Like I always am! Despite the constant abuse and neglect from my favorite hyung!”

Changbin snorts. “Favorite hyung, my ass.”

“What? I know I’m your favorite dongsaeng.”

“That’s Jeongin, you rat.”

“Hey!”

“Mmh.”

“Actually, Felix is your favorite dongsaeng—”

“I’m not looking at you! Bye!”

Hyunjin’s giggles taper off and they drift into a comfortable silence, their homework abandoned on Changbin’s floor, staring up at his ceiling.

After a moment, Changbin asks quietly, “How’s Seungmin doing?” He rolls over a little to see Hyunjin’s response.

The younger boy doesn’t make eye contact with him, but lifts his hands to sign his response, face inscrutable. “He’s doing okay.”

He doesn’t say anything else for a long time. Changbin stays silent, waiting for him patiently.

“He’s still scared,” Hyunjin admits after a long moment, his hands shaking a little as he signs. Changbin can’t tell if it’s from anger or fear. Likely both.

“It just… makes me so _mad,_ you know?” Hyunjin says, looking a little lost. Changbin hums in assent.

When Seungmin and Hyunjin had first started dating six months ago, they had tried to keep it pretty private. Their school wasn’t ridiculously conservative, but there were assholes everywhere, and Min Jaeyoung was one of those assholes. And due to a stroke of unfortunate luck, he had seen the two of them together in the library once after school, and had then made it his business to out them to the entire school.

While most of their peers hadn’t acted too weird about it, Jaeyoung and his posse seemed to find it necessary to make it clear at every opportunity how disgusting they thought the pair was. What started as hissed insults in the corridors had slowly escalated over several weeks. It had been a frustration that Changbin knows had a devastating effect on an already-insecure Seungmin, but it had been one they thought wasn’t worth addressing.

That is, until the day Hyunjin and Jeongin rounded a corner to find Jaeyoung pushing Seungmin up against the lockers, squeezing his forearms till they bruised and hissing slurs that had the younger boy on the verge of tears.

Changbin hadn’t witnessed the confrontation, but Jeongin told him later with a soft face that he’d never seen Hyunjin look quite so scary. Long story short, Seungmin now made sure to tell Hyunjin any time someone messed with him, and Jaeyoung has never been quite so bold since then, but the teasing and insults still continue. Hyunjin says as long as they never lay a hand on Seungmin again, he can take any amount of name calling, but he hates the way it affects Seungmin.

Hyunjin blows his lips out into a pout. “He doesn’t deserve to feel that way. They shouldn’t be allowed to make him feel that way. He should feel… safe.”

“You think he doesn’t feel safe?” Changbin asks slowly.

Hyunjin bites his cheek. “I think he feels safer now,” he says, letting a small smile grace his features. “I’m glad for that. But it’s never something he— _we_ —will ever be fully past, you know? At least not until we’re out of fuckin’ high school,” he adds bitterly.

Changbin wonders quietly if he is part of that _‘we’_. Uncomfortably, he realises he probably his. He usually seems within the range of Jaeyoung’s viciously hissed slurs, too.

Changbin isn’t out to anyone but his closest friends. He wonders if Jaeyoung doesn’t need a confirmation to be cruel, or if he just somehow knows. Neither option is very comforting.

Instead of thinking on it too much, he grabs Hyunjin’s hand in his own, rolls onto his back again, closes his eyes, and drifts off to sleep, his best friend in the whole world lying beside him.

For now, he thinks, he is calm.

 

*

 

It’s been over a year since Changbin has had a crush. He didn’t miss the butterflies, nor the constant anxiety pitting in his stomach, and to have them return all of a sudden is a bit disorienting. The last time he was this enamored with someone was probably Jimin in 9th grade, who had started dating a girl right before school got out and had left Changbin very confused and sad for that whole summer. _Not_ something he feels like reliving.

With Felix, though… It feels a little different. He isn’t going to deny that he has a crush. (Hyunjin wouldn’t let him.) Grudgingly, he admits to himself that Felix is probably the prettiest person he’s ever known—and he’s best friends with Hwang Hyunjin, so this is saying something. Beyond that, even, Felix is just a cool person, and a nice kid, even if he’s also a huge meme. He and Jisung get along so well for a reason. But all these good traits culminate into one Very Cute Boy who Changbin can’t seem to ignore, and it doesn’t seem to be doing anything healthy for Changbin’s heart.

By far the most dangerous for his pulse, however, is first hour Biology. Never mind the fact that Felix always shows up with his hair rumpled and eyes sleepy. The real issue is that Felix never takes his earphones out in that class. And he’s always clearly playing his music the whole time, because he mouths along to the words of every song, bopping softly in his seat as he copies down notes from the board and whispers lyrics.

And Changbin seems completely incapable of ignoring it.

At first, he tells himself it’s for educational purposes. Felix seems to listen to a lot of music in English, and if Changbin ever wants to get better at reading lips when the person’s speaking English (and he very much does want to get better at that), he ought to practice. What better way to practice than through song lyrics, which he can easily look up to see if he’s right?

The other reason is that Felix has really pretty lips.

He isn’t as proud of the second reason.

He develops this routine every morning: he spaces out, and instead of paying attention to the class, he stares at the younger boy as he takes notes. Today, Felix is listening to what Changbin proudly identifies as a Kendrick Lamar track. The younger then mouths along to to a Blackpink song, and then to an unfamiliar English one. Changbin doesn't recognize the last song, but he catches several of the lyrics and consider it a victory. And so it goes.

After a few days of this, Changbin starts taking notes of the songs he’s able to recognize, and looking up the lyrics of the songs he couldn’t.

And if he ends up making a playlist of all the different songs he sees him listening to, maybe that’s Changbin’s business.

And if at 2AM on a school night he’s still awake, his hearing aids in, listening to one of the songs he saw for the first time on Lee Felix’s lips and staring at his ceiling in the dark as it plays on repeat, that’s his business too.

And if he cries a little bit, because the lyric _‘I get a little braver now’_ touches something deep in his heart… Well, no one else ever has to know.

But still, all of this Changbin might be able to handle, if it weren’t for the fact that Jisung is now sitting with the rest of them at lunch. And bringing Felix with him.

Not that Changbin doesn’t like when Felix sits with them. Especially since he always seems to sit himself right next to Changbin. It’s just a little overwhelming, and he’s getting really tired of having to avoid Hyunjin’s teasing looks.

Changbin has never had the privilege of looking away from people while they speak. He spends most of his time watching people’s faces, which he knows people with functioning ears sometimes have trouble with. It’s just something he’s just gotten used to. He picks up on people’s mannerisms very quickly, and has gotten good at recognizing tone just through facial expressions and body language.

So he learns very quickly that Felix is a loud person. He doesn’t have to hear to know that—the blonde boy is aggressively _present,_ wherever he goes, with large motions and big laughter and dramatic facial expressions that never fail to pull a grin from everyone in the vicinity. He quite simply radiates sunshine, which had previously been Jisung’s position, but Felix does it in a slightly different way.

Despite this, Changbin finds that he doesn’t see him actually talk much—except when he’s talking to Jisung or Chan in English. He’s clearly still uncomfortable in his Korean, a fact that dismays Changbin since he loves watching Felix speak Korean. He tells him as much once, through rushed signing (as he still can’t find it in him to actually _say something_ ).

A huge smile spreads across the foreign boy’s face, and Felix gnaws on his lip as he looked at a blushing Changbin with something akin to awe.

 _Why?_ he signs. He usually just signs when talking to Changbin, who assumes it was due to what he’d said when they’d first met; that he spoke sign language better than Korean.

 _I don’t know,_ Changbin signs awkwardly. _It’s interesting. Your mouth forms it so different from native Korean speakers. It’s like… an art style._

An art style.

Did he actually just fucking say that. Hyunjin, who has been watching them, gives Changbin a look that seems to say _You idiot. You’re on your own._

Somehow, from that day out, the two usually spend most of the lunch period signing excitedly to each other. Three seniors that Changbin vaguely knows and that Jisung is friends with—Minho, Woojin, and Chan—join their table. The older boys hit it off with everyone right away, so Felix and Changbin can usually remain in their own little corner. In a fit of confidence one day, Changbin tells him that he watches him mouthing lyrics in first period. At this, Felix just laughs, and says that he always watches Changbin during Literature because he makes funny faces at the teacher. He laughs even harder at the resulting face that statement elicits from Changbin, who wasn’t aware he made faces at all. Felix tells him how difficult it’s been to move here while he still barely knows Korean. Changbin tells him about how he and Hyunjin have been friends since forever, and carefully explains that Hyunjin and Seungmin are dating. Felix just smiles widely, says they’re a cute couple, and moves on, and Changbin releases a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding.

Felix is also very… touchy. He quickly establishes himself in Changbin’s life as a sort of long puppy. He’s not particularly tall, but Changbin is definitely particularly short, and Felix seems to enjoy just draping his arms around Changbin’s shoulders and dropping his head against Changbin’s collarbone whenever there’s a lull in conversation. Changbin just hopes that Felix can’t feel his pulse. He also tries not to get too excited over it—Felix is just a tactile person, and he does that with everyone. He just happens to do it with Changbin more because they sit next to each other. He has to remind himself that it doesn’t necessarily mean anything.

“I have student council today,” Seungmin says, about two weeks after Felix’s arrival.

“Oh. I have dance team,” Hyunjin says, looking at Changbin, who sighs dramatically, puffing his cheeks out. About once a month, student council and dance team fall on the same day, which means Changbin has to stay after school an extra two hours since he’s not allowed to walk all the way home alone. This usually means he ends up sitting awkwardly in the corner of the gym during dance practice, trying to do his homework.

 _Fine,_ he signs, exaggerating his disappointment. Felix grins out of the corner of his eye, and Changbin’s attention immediately snaps to the blonde boy.

 _I’m on dance team too!_ Felix signs excitedly, and Changbin tries not to choke on his drink. _Are you gonna stay and watch us?_

Changbin gives him a shaky smile and nods, concluding that honestly, the fact that he’s managed to stay alive and functioning for this long is impressive on it’s own. And anyway, he’s here for a good time not a long time, and death by Lee Felix is as good a way to go as any.

After school, Hyunjin grabs Changbin’s arm and drags the grumbling boy to the gym. When he arrives, Felix isn’t yet there, but Minho is on the team apparently and there, as are about five of the other members.

Changbin waves at the choreographer, who sort of knows him, and goes to sit in the corner, taking out his books. He’s so determined on not being obvious about how much he’s waiting for Felix to come in that he doesn’t notice he has until dance practice starts.

He looks up, a little startled. They must have already stretched, because they’re running through a dance right now, in what looks like half time as the instructor snaps the counts. He makes brief eye contact with Felix, who winks at him ( _oh his heart_ ) and then turns his focus back to the instructor.

Watching dance practice is always a little weird for Changbin, as he obviously can’t hear the music, but it’s interesting nonetheless. He knows next to nothing about dance, but he can still tell that Hyunjin, Minho, and Felix are all very talented. They all have slightly different dance styles: Minho by far looks the most trained, his movements exactly as sharp or as smooth as they’re meant to be. Hyunjin dances like he’ll never get the chance to again. Changbin has been watching Hyunjin dance their whole life, and he’s never lost the passion he carries in his face when he does it. And Felix… Felix just dances like he was born to do it.

They run through it a couple times slow, then the instructor hits a button on a stereo and they run it through at full speed. It’s an aggressive hip-hop dance that Changbin really likes the look of, with strong, quick movements and a rebellious feel. Felix has changed out of his school uniform into sweatpants and a black sweatshirt, and as he does the moves in sync with the others, he just looks… cool. His facial expressions match the dance moves perfectly, and Changbin makes a mental note to ask which song the dance is to later so he can look it up.

Practice goes by pretty quickly. About 30 minutes before it ends, Seungmin comes in to join him and to watch Hyunjin with a stupid lovestruck expression that Changbin teases him for briefly. Seungmin retaliates by turning it right back at him, looking from Changbin to Felix and cocking an eyebrow. Changbin shuts up after that.

He spaces out a bit, and when he blinks, suddenly practice is over and a very sweaty Lee Felix is standing in front of him. He scrambles to his feet awkwardly, hoisting his backpack over his shoulder.

“How’d we do?” Felix asks excitedly, forgetting to sign, but Changbin catches it just fine and gives him a small smile.

 _Really good,_ he signs. _I didn’t know you danced. You’re really talented._

Felix’s smile widens, chest rising and falling a couple times as he just stares at Changbin. His eyes are sparkling like some kind of fucking Disney prince, and without thinking, Changbin opens his mouth like an idiot and says, “D’you wanna walk home with us?”

Oh.

Right.

Whoops.

Felix doesn’t do a double-take exactly, but his jaw drops ever so slightly, showing his large two front teeth ( _cute_ ), and his eyes widen as he gives Changbin a very long look.

Finally, he just nods and says, “Sure.”

Hyunjin and Seungmin are particularly energetic today, and spend the whole walk shoving each other and giggling. They toss light-hearted insults at each other that Felix joins in with easily, smiling. Changbin doesn’t really make an attempt to follow the conversation. It’s hard to do so while walking, when you have to rely on your eyes to hear—you either watch where you’re going or you watch the person’s lips, and he’s tripped over cracked sidewalk enough times to not chance it.

He also doesn’t look at the other three boys because he’s afraid of seeing one of them in particular looking back at him. Felix didn’t really look mad when Changbin spoke, just surprised, but nonetheless, Changbin’s clenched fists tremble anxiously at his side as they walk. He still can’t believe he was ever so stupid to keep quiet in the first place, much less that he actually kept it up for this long.

He didn’t do it on purpose, he tells himself sullenly.

He just didn’t have the guts.

He certainly has guts right now, though, and they’re writhing around uncomfortably within him. They arrive at Seungmin’s house, and without discussion—or maybe there was, Changbin just didn’t see it—Hyunjin goes home with Seungmin while Felix and Changbin continue making their way to Changbin’s house.

It occurs to Changbin that he doesn’t know where Felix lives. Maybe he lives near him. Maybe he will wave goodbye in just a second and break off to a sidestreet. Maybe he won’t wave goodbye at all, and just leave, and go home to his house, where he’d much rather be than spending another second with Changbin. Maybe he’s mad, and rightfully so, or maybe he never even liked Changbin in the first place and this is the cherry on top of an already not-very-good cake.

But he doesn’t do any of those things. They walk in silence until they arrive at Changbin’s house, and then Felix offers him a hesitant little head-dip towards the door, which Changbin responds to with a nod and a shy smile before ushering him inside.

Thanking his lucky stars that his mom has not yet returned from work, he gestures weakly to the stairs before leading Felix up to his room. Upon entering, he drops his bag on the floor like he always does, then nervously picks it back up and sets it by his bed a little more neatly than usual. He can feel his face reddening as he examines his room—it isn’t exactly _messy,_ per se, but it’s far from clean, and he hopes Felix doesn’t think he’s some sort of slob.

Thankfully, Felix seems far from focused on that. Instead, he’s looking at Changbin’s walls. Changbin absent-mindedly chews on his thumbnail as he watches the younger boy’s bright eyes scan the array of band posters and weird artwork he’d found at garage sales, waiting nervously for a verdict.

Felix turns to him with a smile. “You like Day6?” he asks, gesturing at one of the posters.

Changbin starts a little, then laughs, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “Yeah. You?”

“They’re my favorite band.”

Changbin just hums, unsure of what to say.

Somehow, they find themselves both sitting cross-legged on Changbin’s bed with Changbin by the headboard and Felix at the foot, facing each other.

“So,” Felix says, a smile teasing at the corner of his mouth. “Talk to me.”

Changbin catches the double entendre, laughing nervously and reaching up to run a hand through his hair.

“Listen,” he says, clearing his throat awkwardly. “I’m really sorry about that.”

“What? You don’t have to apologize.”

“No, it was stupid—”

“I thought—wait. No, _I’m_ sorry. I shouldn’t have just assumed that just because you’re Deaf that you couldn’t talk either. That was ignorant.”

Changbin gets briefly distracted in the way he watches the phrase “you’re Deaf” fall out of Felix’s mouth. He decides he likes it, in an odd sort of way. Felix doesn’t say it like it’s an insult he’s trying to protect Changbin from, doesn’t lock the word ‘Deaf’ in a padded room, doesn’t carry it on his tongue like a bullet. It’s refreshing.

“Wait,” he says after a moment of smiling stupidly while he stares at Felix’s lips. ( _Subtle_. _)_ “Wait. That wasn’t—no, that’s not what happened! I—it was _me,_ I just started signing like it was the only thing I could—it wasn’t _you_ —”

“Hey,” Felix says, grabbing his wrist and smiling gently. Changbin realises that he has been signing frantically even as he talks, and feels his face redden. (It’s been doing that far too often lately.) “It was a misunderstanding. It’s fine. Now I know. We can still just sign, if you’d like.”

“I—yeah. I mean. We can do whatever. Either works. For me.” Changbin is sure his face is boiling to the touch. “It’s all good.”

Felix does this tight little smile thing where his cheeks dimple and his eyes vanish into slits. Changbin thinks that smile should be illegal. The Australian boy goes back to glancing around the room, his gaze falling again on the Day6 poster. Changbin realises that it is really more of the sort of poster a female fan would have in her room. It seems the universe is out to embarrass him as absolutely much as possible, but it’s not his fault Wonpil is hot.

“Wait,” Felix says, looking back at Changbin, who of course never looked away. He rarely seems to be able to. “You like Day6’s… music? You can…” Felix scrunches up his eyebrows and then points to his ears, blushing. Changbin stared at him in confusion for a second, then laughs.

“Oh! I have headphones—well, they’re more like hearing aids than headphones. But I use them for music.” _To stalk_ your _music taste,_ he thinks. “I’m not technically completely Deaf, but my hearing aids just are really… not practical to use in everyday life. I think I’ve only ever used them a few times, even when I first got them. They just make everything really screechy and overwhelming. And our health insurance isn’t keen on getting me new ones.”

“Have you… since you were born?”

“Was I Deaf, you mean?” Felix nods. “Nah. I could hear fine up until I was… six or seven? I was kind of a chronically ill kid. My body doesn’t like to work properly. Basically I got an infection in the middle ear and it wasn’t treated early enough. Completely avoidable, the best kind of disability, y’know?” He laughs a little bitterly. “They tried to give me hearing aids, like I said, but they’re useless for actually just listening to people to talk.”

“How so?”

Changbin tilts his head, trying to figure out how to explain and also how not to be overwhelmed by the fact that Felix actually seems _interested._

“It’s like… either everything sounds like it’s underwater, or everything’s way too loud and sharp and I can hear _everything,_ like conversations from a room away, or even people’s breathing. It’s cool for like a minute or whatever, but then it’s just. A lot. And since I spend so much time not hearing _anything,_ I’ve sort of become sound sensitive. The last time I tried to use my hearing aids to be in public it was too much, I had—I had a panic attack.”

He’d been speaking very quickly, tripping over his words in a nervous attempt to get them out, and he stutters as he finishes. That last bit was probably oversharing. Felix didn’t want to hear that. He laughs awkwardly, trying to play it off.

Felix doesn’t look disgusted though, or embarrassed for him, just understanding and empathetic. He nods, pursing his lips a little, then crawls forward. Changbin tenses up, pressing himself back against his headrest, and Felix laughs, swatting at his wrist playfully. Changbin finds himself wishing he could hear what that laugh sounded like.

Felix pulls back so that Changbin can clearly see his hands, and signs simply, _I’m tired._ Changbin stares at him blankly for a few moments before Felix gives in and just shoves at Changbin’s knees until he has space to curl up next to him on a pillow.

Looking down at the younger boy, his lips pouted out and his blonde hair almost covering his eyes, Changbin finds himself very suddenly and violently endeared. Trying not to shake, he lowers himself till he’s lying next to Felix, who looks up at him, grins, and then rolls over to rest his head on Changbin’s chest like it’s nothing.

There’s no way Felix can’t hear Changbin’s heart hammering through his shirt. In fact, Changbin’s shocked it hasn’t moved past that and just blasted out of his chest at this point, but it is definitely still in there, ricocheting around his chest cavity and generally being very distracting. But if Felix does feel it, he doesn’t comment, just closes his eyes, snuggles even closer to the older boy (if that’s possible), and drifts off to sleep.

Changbin stares at him, a laugh bubbling in his chest. He can’t imagine calming down enough to _fall asleep_ at the moment. But even as he thinks that, he drapes an arm over Felix’s hoodie-clad back, closes his eyes, and feels himself slipping into unconsciousness.

 

*

 

He opens his eyes very suddenly, at first unsure of what woke him. After a moment, he realises that the lights in his room are flickering on and off, his mom’s way of letting him know she’s outside the door without barging in. He blinks the sleep out of his eyes, and wonders briefly why there is a warm body wrapped around him like a sloth. Felix’s face is buried in Changbin’s collar bone, one leg thrown over him, one arm clutching his shoulder, still very much asleep. Changbin is overwhelmingly _fond._

But more pressingly, his mom is still waiting outside his door. With a start, he jerks into a sitting position, sending Felix rolling off the twin bed and looking very startled. Changbin sends him an apologetic look as he clears his throat and hurries to his door, pulling it open a crack to look out at his mother.

“Changbinnie?” she asks, looking confused and trying to peer into his room. “Dinner’s ready. What was that crash?”

Sometimes, he forgets other people can like… hear.

“Nothing,” he says too quickly, and then backpedals, realising Felix will have to leave somehow. “Felix. My friend Felix is here. He fell. Hi.”

“Oh! Well, can I meet him?” she asks, again trying to push the door open, Changbin again trying to push it shut.

“Eomma, please, maybe not right now—”

But then there’s a breath by his ear and he turns to see Felix standing right behind him, smiling hugely and waving to Changbin’s mother through the crack in the door. She waves back with a confused smile.

“Okay, now you’ve met,” he tries, exasperated and still a little bleary. “Can you—”

“Does he want to stay for dinner?”

“ _Eomma—_ ”

Felix squeezes his shoulder, and he turns to see the blonde signing as he speaks.

“—have to go, actually,” he’s in the middle of saying, “My mom wanted me home before dinner.”

“Do you need a ride?” Changbin’s mom asks.

“I’m fine, thank you! I don’t live too far.” Turning to Changbin, he offers him a nervous smile. “Thanks,” he repeats, then blushes inexplicably. “See you—see you tomorrow!”

Then he’s out the door before Changbin can say anything else. Changbin’s mom turns to look at him curiously.

“He was signing,” she says, a little too knowingly.

“Yeah.”

“And he was _cute._ ”

Changbin watches the door shut behind him and sighs.

“Yeah.”

 

*

 

A heavy shoulder slams into Changbin’s back, almost knocking him to the ground, and he stumbles to the side. He looks around for the attacker in time to see Min Jaeyoung walking past, sending him a nasty look. Hyunjin, standing on the other side of him, whips around to face Jaeyoung, spitting out a rapid response to whatever Jaeyoung’s just said. Still a little disoriented, Changbin doesn’t catch it, and just glares at Jaeyoung’s retreating back.

“What did he say?” he asks quietly after a moment.

Hyunjin glares at the wall. “Nothing,” he says stubbornly.

“Jinnie. What did he say?”

Teeth clenched, Hyunjin lifts his hand and tensely signs, _‘What’s up, f-a-g-g-o-t-s?’_

Oh.

As in… multiple. And it is only Changbin and Hyunjin standing here. Changbin feels incredibly guilty for hating the fact that he knows he is included in that slur.

He bites his tongue instead of voicing that traitorous thought. “What did any of us ever do to him, huh,” he says sourly instead. Hyunjin doesn’t respond, practically shaking with anger.

“Hey, it’s ok,” Changbin says, reaching out to touch his friend’s arm, but Hyunjin pulls away, face twisted with fury.

“It’s _not_!” he says, and Changbin can tell it must be loud because a group of passing girls turns to look at him, startled.

 _It’s not,_ Hyunjin reiterates in sign this time, breathing heavily. _First me and Seungmin, and then I finally get him to lay off my boyfriend but now he’s just going after my best friend? It’s not ok._

Changbin stares at him. _I’m fine, Hyunjin-ah. I’m not bothered._

 _No, you are, I can tell, and you should be. And anyway,_ I _can deal with it, I—_ he breaks off and licks his lips. _I’m out,_ he continues, avoiding Changbin’s eyes. _I already went through that. He shouldn’t be allowed to try and fuck up your life this way. And I’m worried for you._

Changbin feels like his blood is both boiling and freezing. He had no idea Hyunjin was this aware of Changbin’s inner turmoil. Clearly his friend is more observant than he gives him credit for.

 _Okay, so it does bother me,_ he signs slowly, face impassive. People around them are giving them odd looks—he supposes they are just standing in the middle of a crowded hallway signing to each other, but he can’t be bothered to care at the moment. _But I can deal with it too._ Hyunjin just purses his lips. _Why are you worried for me?_

“I just… don’t want what happened with Seungmin to happen to you, okay?” Hyunjin says, his face earnest. Changbin looks up at the taller boy, confused, but heart warmed at how much his friend cares.

“It won’t,” he says, but Hyunjin still won’t meet his eyes. “I promise.”

He’s not sure who he’s trying to convince.

 

*

 

In 6th hour, someone sets their stuff down next to him and Changbin looks up, startled. Haseul usually sits next to him in that class, but she’s not here today. Instead the body plopping themselves into the seat is Felix’s, and Changbin stares at him with wide eyes for a few seconds before getting ahold of himself.

“Hi,” he says, eloquently.

“Hey,” Felix replies. “I heard what happened with Jaeyoung.”

Changbin frowns. “Hyunjin tell you?”

Felix nods. “He was upset. I asked him what was wrong. He didn’t want to tell me,” he adds, looking nervous that Changbin will be upset, “I made him.”

“It’s fine,” Changbin says. “... And?”

“I just want to say—I don’t know. That he’s an asshole and I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. Well. We’ve known that for a while now.”

“Still sucks that you have to deal with it.”

Changbin hums in agreement.

Felix takes a deep breath, looking down at the desk in front of him with his jaw set. He looks like he’s trying to find the courage to say something, so Changbin waits in silence.

“I hate people like that,” Felix says after a while. “I… I was out, back in Australia. But it’s different here. I hate that it’s different.”

He takes a long pause as he lets his words sink in. He was _out._ Changbin tries not to physically jump with joy.

“And I know—just because he said that to you doesn’t mean you are. But even if you’re not—”

“ _No,_ ” Changbin says quickly, interrupting the other boy, who looks up with wide eyes. “I mean—no. I am. He’s right. He’s a dick, but… he’s right.”

“Oh,” Felix says, a smile slowly spreading across his face as he looks at Changbin. Changbin is still a little panicky with the thought that Lee Felix might not be fully aware of quite how Fucking Gay he is, and he has to physically bite his tongue to stop himself from reiterating that fact. But Felix’s big smile is enough for him to calm down a little and smile back.

“Oh,” Felix says again, fully grinning now.

“Yeah,” Changbin breathes, grinning back.

 

*

 

Not too much changes between them after that. Changbin doesn’t know if he expected anything to. He has a little more hope, but they’re still not, like, dating or anything. Duh. Obviously. Which is fine. Which Changbin is beyond fine with.

(Mostly.)

However, they do become a little more comfortable with each other. Felix coming over to Changbin’s after school becomes a regular occurence. Sometimes Hyunjin and Seungmin join them, but usually it’s just the two of them. They’ll sit on Changbin’s bed and do their homework, or just talk. When they’ve exhausted conversation topics and math problems, though, they’ll usually fall asleep tangled in each other. Felix’s fluffy hair tickling Changbin’s nose as he sleeps isn’t something Changbin thinks he’ll ever be able to get used to, but it’s definitely something he likes.

They also exchange phone numbers, which immediately sparks a never-ending flow of conversation between the two of them. Changbin pretends to be bothered by the constant notifications, but he probably still gives his eagerness away in how quickly he responds.

 

 **Chat with @koala boy:**  

 

**koala boy (6:13 PM)**

hey

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**binnie (6:15 PM)**

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**koala boy (6:15 PM)**

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**binnie (6:16 PM)**

!!! i’m not telling u

**koala boy (6:16 PM)**

:’(((

fine

**(6:20 PM)**

so it’s 2 mondays from now that’s interesting

**binnie (6:21 PM)**

for fucks sake hyunjin

**koala boy (6:21)**

♡✧( ु•⌄• )

**binnie (6:22 PM)**

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 **koala boy <3 ** **(6:22 PM)**

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**binnie (6:25 PM)**

nothing

dropped my phone

**koala boy <3 (6:26 PM)**

anyway!!!!

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**binnie (6:26 PM)**

nothing!!!!!!!

**koala boy <3 (6:27 PM)**

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**binnie (6:27 PM)**

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**koala boy <3 <3 (6:27 PM)**

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**binnie (6:29)**

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**koala boy <3 <3 (6:30 PM)**

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**binnie (6:33)**

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**koala boy <3 <3 (6:33)**

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**binnie (6:34)**

… ?

**koala boy <3 <3 (6:35)**

'Lix'

i mean nothing gtg

On the bad side of things, though, altercations with Jaeyoung in the hallway have quickly become a daily occurence. Though Changbin doesn’t know if it can be classified as an ‘altercation’ if he doesn’t even say anything. He guesses that Jaeyoung probably says something, but he usually doesn’t see it. He just feels a pinch to the arm, a shove to the shoulder, or a kick in the shins as the taller boy pushes past him. He does his best not to react. He’s never even spoken to Jaeyoung. He’s hardly given him a reason to be acting this way. On a deeper level, though, Changbin knows that to Jaeyoung, being vaguely small, disabled, and Hyunjin’s friend all at the same time is practically begging for a beating.

He tries to ignore it. After that first occurence, it never happens when Hyunjin is around. Changbin doesn’t tell Hyunjin when it keeps happening. He doesn’t see the point.

Honestly, Changbin is just glad that Jaeyoung is focusing on him and not his friends. Seungmin already had to deal with that, and he’d hate for him to go through it again. Even worse would be if Felix became the new target. Changbin’s thankful that Jaeyoung’s never expressed interest of any kind in the foreign boy. He’s not sure what he’d do if Felix was being bullied. Break someone’s nose, probably. It’s not a thought he feels like entertaining.

Anyway, the bumps in the hallway, he can handle. He finds ways to avoid seeing Jaeyoung between classes, he stays close to other people or the walls, he makes sure to keep a steady footing at all times so that at least he won’t fall.

The thing that concerns him is that he and Jaeyoung share two classes, neither of which contain any of Changbin’s other friends. Fifth hour English class isn’t so bad, seeing as they sit on opposite sides of the class, and the worst he can do is whisper insults Changbin won’t hear anyway.

Seventh hour, though, is proving to be more of a problem. The teacher switched their seats at semester, and now Jaeyoung sits directly behind him. And he’s much more difficult to ignore that way.

It feels like a cliche high school movie. He almost laughs the first time he has to calmly pull a spitwad out of his hair, flicking it backwards at the perpetrator without saying anything. He knows if Hyunjin or Jisung were in this class they would tell him to tell the teacher, but they don’t get it. Changbin already seems vulnerable to Jaeyoung. He doesn’t want to prove him right by running to an adult for help with something as trivial as this.

That doesn’t mean he’s not bothered when he feels a flick to the back of his skull for the 5th time that day. It’s been about a week and a half, and Jaeyoung has been getting steadily bolder in his antagonizing. Changbin hasn’t said anything to him this whole time, but his temper is fraying, and he’s not sure how much longer he can ignore it.

It comes to a breaking point one Friday.

Changbin has managed to avoid seeing Jaeyoung in the hallways for three days in a row, which seems to be pissing the taller boy off for some reason. Changbin is sure he feels like he’s being ignored, even though that’s all Changbin’s ever done to him anyway.

Jaeyoung gets up in the middle of class to sharpen his pencil, slapping the back of Changbin’s head as he walks past. Changbin bites the inside of his cheek and just hunches further over his paper. That seems to be his only available defense.

Thankfully, Jaeyoung sits back down without poking Changbin again, and he lets out a sigh of relief as he tries to focus on completing the worksheet.

A moment later, though, he feels something sharp scratch down the back of his neck. Something like a freshly-sharpened pencil.

Changbin snaps.

“Do you have a problem with me or something?” he demands, spinning around in his seat to face Jaeyoung, who looks incredibly pleased with himself. Changbin’s ears redden as he feels every set of eyes in the class turn to him, but he keeps his focus locked on his tormentor, determined to stare him down.

The taller boy doesn’t answer him, just smirks and glances at someone behind Changbin. Stubbornly, Changbin refuses to turn to follow his gaze. Jaeyoung laughs outright, looking back at him. “He can’t hear you,” he says, snickering, and Changbin whips around to face the teacher.

A couple other students around him are giggling too, including Eunwoo and Kwangsoo, Jaeyoung’s main two lackeys. The teacher, Mr Park, looks a little embarrassed, and Changbin realises that he must have been calling Changbin’s name. _Fuck._

“Seo Changbin,” Mr. Park repeats, schooling his expression into one of anger. “Do you have something you need to share with the class?”

Changbin just glares at him. He’s so _tired_ of all this, and he doesn’t feel like explaining anything to Mr Park of all people. The old man has never liked Changbin, has always disapproved of the fact that he was put in normal classes, even though Changbin keeps up _perfectly fine,_ thank you very much.

“He’s fucking scratching me,” Changbin says angrily, gesturing back to Jaeyoung. He regrets the curse word as soon as it slips out. Mr Park’s already-thin lips vanish into a tight white line.

“Detention, Mr. Seo,” he says crisply. “You too, Mr. Min.”

Changbin sees Jaeyoung’s friends jump to his defense in a flurry of conversation, and assumes that Jaeyoung behind him is also protesting this development, but he’s too tired to care. Fine. _Fine._ He’ll go to fucking detention. At least he knows Mr. Park will separate their seats now, which is all he can really ask at this point. The moment class ends, he storms out the door as quickly as he can manage.

**Chat with @ **[B]ff/demon****

**binnie (2:25 PM)**

hahhaah im pissed !!!!!!

gotta stay after school today. detention.

****[B]ff/demon** (2:27 PM)**

what?? what for dude?

**binnie (2:28 PM)**

“diSrUpTInG tHe CLaSs”

and bc mr park hates me duh

****[B]ff/demon** (2:28 PM)**

shit dude

minnie and i have to be home right after school to leave for that trip

**binnie (2:30 PM)**

yeah i know

it’s fine

i’m 17 lol i can walk home by myself once in my life

****[B]ff/demon** (2:30 PM)**

:((

you can ask jisung to walk with you?

**binnie (2:31 PM)**

i’m not gonna make him wait for me that long

it’s fine

i’ll text you when i get home, ok?

****[B]ff/demon** (2:31 PM)**

… ok do that

have fun in detention u delinquent

**binnie (2:31 PM)**

yeah have fun being on a bus for 8 hours

****[B]ff/demon** (2:31 PM)**

with my boyfriend? yeah i will thx

**binnie (2:32 PM)**

n a s t y

****[B]ff/demon** (2:32 PM)**

thATS NOT WHAT I MEANT U SLUT

**binnie (2:33 PM)**

sure jan

bye gtg to prison

 **[B]ff/demon** **(2:34 PM)**

u and felix are hanging out too much

text me when u get home ok

*

Detention turns out to be not that bad. He and Jaeyoung aren’t even in the same room, which is a huge relief. He’s not in the mood to have glares directed his way for 90 minutes. Instead, Changbin is assigned to dusting off the whole trophy case, and Jaeyoung is sentenced to organizing paperwork in the front office. Changbin has never hated chores much, and the time passes quickly. Mr Park taps him on the shoulder to let him know he can go.

He gathers his stuff as quickly as he can, slams his locker door, and hurries to the front exit. The door swings dramatically in his haste to get out, but he stops short.

Jaeyoung, Eunwoo, and Kwangsoo are all standing there, talking amongst each other. Eunwoo notices Changbin’s appearance first, and nudges Jaeyoung, murmuring something to him. Jaeyoung turns to look at Changbin with a sneer.

Changbin feels like his blood is freezing over.

He shakes it off and keeps walking, refusing to look at the trio. He finds himself wishing he’d asked Jisung to wait for him. Then he hates himself for wishing that.

For a second, he thinks he’ll make it out without an altercation, but just a couple steps past the other three boys, someone snatches the strap of his backpack and he finds himself yanked back.

He whips around, staring up at Jaeyoung and cursing the bully for being so damn _tall._

Changbin has been told by several people that has a fairly intimidating resting bitch face, but a stony expression can’t change the fact that he’s just 5’6”, and that a childhood of illness left him fairly skinny as well. He’s never hated his small stature more than in his moment.

“I’m just leaving,” he says, hoping his voice doesn’t shake.

“So you’re not a mute as well!” Jaeyoung says, still gripping Changbin’s backpack. “I was wondering if I hallucinated that.”

Changbin tries to pull his way out of the taller boy’s grip, but he just grabs the front of Changbin’s shirt and pulls him even closer. God, this is such a _cliche._ Changbin grits his teeth.

“What did I ever do to you?” he says lowly, trying not to look as terrified as he feels.

“Well, you did just get me detention,” Jaeyoung says. Changbin sees Eunwoo and Kwangsoo laugh, as if he’s just said something hysterical. Changbin rolls his eyes.

“You did that yourself,” he spits at him with his last shred of courage. Jaeyoung’s face contorts in anger

“Wrong answer.”

And then there is a fist in his face. Jaeyoung lets go of his shirt in time to punch him squarely in the cheek, and an already off-balance Changbin finds himself reeling back from the hit. Hands fist in his shirt again a second later, yanking him back, and then there’s a vice-like grip on the back of his neck, forcing him to look up at Jaeyoung through blurry vision.

“I know you can’t hear,” Jaeyoung says, smiling pleasantly, as if they’re discussing the weather. “So I’ll say it this way, fag—”

He’s cut off by Changbin headbutting Jaeyoung as hard as he can.

They stumble back from each other for a second, but immediately Eunwoo and Kwangsoo are on either side of him, grabbing his arms. Genuine panic bubbles in Changbin’s throat. He chokes out a “Leave me _alone_ ,” jerking against their hold as he watches Jaeyoung right himself furiously,

Jaeyoung doesn’t respond, just socks Changbin in the eye. His head snaps back, and then he’s doubling forward as Jaeyoung’s foot makes solid contact with his stomach, causing him to dry heave for a few seconds. At this point, Jaeyoung’s lackeys practically holding him upright. He can tell that they’re laughing.

Jaeyoung is wearing rings (because he’s: An Asshole), and there’s blood dripping down Changbin’s face from where his knuckles made contact. It drips down his eyes, covering his vision. The momentary loss of his sight is the final straw for Changbin’s composure.

In his panic, he begins thrashing, kicking out as much as he can, yelling for help. He connects with a solid body a couple times before he’s being thrown to the ground. He registers slamming against concrete, then a foot in his stomach, his legs, his ribcage.

And then it stops.

He remains curled in the fetal position there on the ground, breathing heavily and shaking. He’s afraid to wipe the blood out of his eyes, afraid that it will only invite another kick.

After he counts a full thirty seconds of nothing, he moves a shaky hand to his face, and wipes his eyes, registering that he is crying a little. He doesn’t have the energy to feel embarrassed. Lifting his head a little bit, he surveys his surroundings, doing a double take at what he sees.

Kim Woojin, of all people, has Jaeyoung in a headlock. The kind-hearted senior looks absolutely livid. Kwangsoo is on the ground, nursing his wrist, and Eunwoo is nowhere to be found.

Looking around, Changbin sees the front door of the school open. Mr. Park runs out, closely followed by Felix— _Felix—_ who is pale and trembling.

Felix locks eyes with Changbin, and runs to him immediately, kneeling on the ground and swiping a thumb over his brow. Changbin realises the younger boy’s eyes are swimming with tears, and he frowns. He tries to sit up, to comfort the boy, but he’s hit by a wave of dizziness and Felix has to lower him back down.

“Don’t cry,” Changbin manages to say when he regains his composure, trying to reach up to touch Felix’s face. “Hey. Don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying,” Felix says, crying.

“I’m okay. Don’t cry.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Felix demands, angrily swiping at his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me they were still messing with you?”

Changbin feels lost for words. “Don’t cry,” he repeats after a long moment, which only serves to make Felix cry harder. Then for some reason, he leans down and pulls Changbin into a hug, as tight as he can manage without hurting the dark haired boy. Changbin pats his back awkwardly, vaguely registering that he’s probably getting blood on Felix’s shirt, but Felix doesn’t seem to care.

When Felix pulls away, he helps Changbin sit up gingerly. Woojin no longer has ahold of Jaeyoung, but is glaring at him with a look that could split rocks. Jaeyoung and Kwangsoo are staring at the ground while Mr. Park gestures frantically, his face red with fury.

Woojin notices that Changbin is sitting up and hurries to him, wordlessly lifting him up bridal-style. Either Changbin is even tinier than he realised, or Woojin is just super strong. He thinks it’s probably the latter, considering what seems to have just gone down between the older boy and the trio.

He carries Changbin to the nurse’s office, Felix following like a nervous puppy. Changbin protests the whole way there that he’s _fine,_ he just needs to maybe lie down for a little bit, or like a Band-aid or two, but they both ignore him. Woojin sets him down on the little cot and wordlessly turns to the nurse’s cabinet. Felix squats down in front of Changbin.

“What happened?” the blonde asks, seeming a bit calmer but still distraught. Changbin winces as he adjusts his position.

“I… We both got detention. He was pissed at me, and they were just waiting for me after it.” He pauses. “I headbutted him. That probably didn’t make him any happier with me.”

That startles a laugh out of the blonde boy. Changbin manages a weak smile, but Felix still looks so sad. “What’s wrong?” he asks, brow furrowed.

“With _me_ ? Nothing. I—” Felix cuts himself off, gnawing on his lip. “I’m just so _mad_. He’s the worst person I’ve ever met. I can’t believe he did that.”

Woojin kneels down next to him, clutching a variety of medical supplies. “Close your eyes,” he instructs. Changbin complies, and feels the older boy pressing gauze over the cuts on his face. When he’s finished, Changbin opens them again, and asks, “Why are you guys even still here? Not that I’m complaining.”

“Woojin-hyung tutors me in Korean sometimes after school,” Felix says. Changbin blinks. He didn’t know that. “We were just leaving when… Well. We heard you yelling. We didn’t know who it was at first.”

“And Woojin, how did you… ?”

“I take taekwondo,” Woojin says simply. Seems about right. Changbin makes a mental note to get to know the older boy better.

“Well. Thanks,” Changbin says, hissing in pain as he sits up. Felix grabs his shoulder, keeping him balanced

“What else hurts?” he asks.

“Nothing.”

“Changbin.”

“My—my ribs. But they’re fine.” He takes a deep breath, testing them. “They’re not fractured, I can tell. Just bruised.”

“Are you sure you’re fine? We can go to a real doctor, we can call someone—Woojin hyung has a car—”

“Felix,” Changbin says as gently as he can manage, grabbing the younger boy’s hand and intertwining their fingers. “I just want to go home right now.”

Felix takes a shaky breath. “Okay.”

*

Woojin drops Changbin off at his house, and goes in to briefly explain everything to Changbin’s mother. Changbin is deeply grateful to him for that. Felix doesn’t offer to come over, which Changbin isn’t sure if he’s grateful or sad for. He decides that he’s too confused to deal with any of that right now. Waving a goodbye and thank you to the two boys, he drags himself up to his room and collapses on his bed.

**Chat with**   **[B]ff/demon:**

**binnie (5:57 PM)**

i’m home

He falls asleep instantly. He doesn’t dream.

*

When he wakes the next morning, he spends a good half hour just staring at the ceiling and feeling very sore. Finally, he rolls over to grab his phone off the night stand where he left it last night. He has 20+ unread notifications.

**Chat with** @ **[B]** **ff/demon** :

**[B]ff/demon (6:05 PM)**

ok good thank u

**(6:35)**

felix just texted me what happened. are you ok??

i know you’re like. ok. but are you Ok?

changbin??

oh right you’re probably asleep now

that’s good

get some rest

text me when you get these please ok??

i swear to god i’ll murder that fucking prick

changbin i’m so sorry

we all love you sm <333

seungmin and i will be back in town sunday at noon. we can come over if you want us to. we can just get food and watch a movie or whatever u want. lmk

_(read at 11:15 AM)_

**binnie (11:21 AM)**

ur the best friend i’ve ever had you know that right?

… i don’t know why i said that

i mean it’s true

i just

whatever

thank you. that’d be great. i’m really fine i promise.

love you too

u sap

**  
**

**Chat with @rodent jisung:**

**rodent jisung (6:57 PM)**

so anyway i will personally murder Min Jaeyoung with my own two hands

he better watch his fucking back

did u know people can die from a squirrel bite?

cause u can

especially if that squirrel happens to bring a knife to school

**(7:05 PM)**

… ok i calmed down

i hope you’re okay dude and i’m here to talk anytime you want

i can bring over ice cream tomorrow

mint chip? yr fave?

just let me know. im always here for you

**binnie (11:31 AM)**

… please don’t get arrested for murder sungie

although i appreciate the sentiment

anyway i think woojin hyung beat you to it

also

thank you

that would be amazing

**Chat with @jeonginnie:**

**Jeonginnie (7:01 PM)**

hey changbin-hyung ~ im so so sorry abt that asshole. if there’s anything i or any of us can do just let me know <333

**binnie (11:34 AM)**

watch yr language young man

… and thank u i’m fine though i promise

<3

As he clicks through similar texts from Seungmin, Minho, and Chan, he registers that he’s crying again. He wipes the tears away with a shaky breath, smiling at the screen.

He tries to ignore the nagging thought that there is not a text from Felix.

That is perfectly fine, he reminds himself sternly. He saw Felix just yesterday anyway, and they talked, sort of. He doesn’t have a text from Woojin either and he’s not torn up about that. So it’s fine.

_Well. Woojin isn’t—_

He cuts himself off. Absolutely not. Felix is not required in any way to reach out to him, and Changbin’s selfish for wanting him to.

He tries to banish all thoughts of the blonde boy from his mind.

When Jisung opens the door, he doesn’t even blink at Changbin’s swollen black eye, just shoves a tub of ice cream into his arms and flounces through the door. He sits by him on the couch and makes dumb comments over the cheesy horror movie they watch, and Changbin feels like he will burst with gratitude.

And the next day, Hyunjin and Seungmin come over and do the same, bringing carry out and huge smiles. Seungmin pulls him aside with a serious face, says, “You could have told me,” and they don’t break the hug for several minutes. If Seungmin notices Changbin’s tears on his shirt, he doesn’t say anything. Hyunjin just nods understandingly when they reemerge. He’s aggressively affectionate as always, but still mindful of Changbin’s bruises, and Changbin doesn’t think he’s ever been more happy to have the friends he does.

Sunday night, he has managed to spend the weekend without being too consumed with thoughts of a certain Australian boy. So when he gets the text, he’s almost surprised.

**Chat with @koala boy <3 <3:**

**koala boy <3 <3 (8:13 PM)**

how are y doing?

*u

_(read at 8:14 PM)_

**binnie (8:19 PM)**

i’m good

still a little sore but i’m fine

**koala boy <3 <3 (8:20 PM)**

if i see him at school tmrw i swear i’ll tear his eyes out

**binnie (8:21 PM)**

no need

**koala boy <3 <3 (8:21 PM)**

i’m so

nevermind

anyway!! i texted u for a reason

**binnie (8:22 PM)**

not just to check up on yr favorite hyung?

**koala boy <3 <3 (8:22 PM)**

well that too ofc

no but actually

bring your hearing aids to school tomorrow

**binnie (8:24 PM)**

?

i told u, i don’t like using them in actual

like

social environments

**koala boy <3 <3 (8:25 PM)**

ik

i want to play u a song

_(read at 8:25 PM)_

**binnie (8:27 PM)**

i

ok

i’ll bring them

**koala boy <3 <3 (8:27 PM)**

ok good!! sleep well hyung

see u tomorrow

<3

_(read at 8:27 PM)_

**binnie (8:31 PM)**

yeah see u

<3

*

The next morning, Changbin spends 15 minutes in the bathroom staring at his reflection. He’d been hoping the bruises on his face would go down over the weekend, but that’s clearly not the case. The cuts have scabbed over, and the swelling on his eye has gone down a little bit, but it’s all very visible. He knows he can’t avoid it. Sunglasses aren’t allowed in school, and Changbin’s mom doesn’t wear makeup, so he decides to just bite the bullet and head to school as is.

Fortunately, not too many people seem to notice him, and he makes it to Bio without any awkward encounters. Felix is already sitting there, and his face lights up when he sees Changbin. Changbin tries to not let that squeeze his heart too tightly.

He waves hello with a little smile, then slides into his seat next to Hyunjin. Felix leans back in his chair towards the both of them, and signs, _Jaeyoung got expelled._

Changbin widens his eyes. “Really?” he asks, looking from Felix to Hyunjin.

Hyunjin grins, nodding. “Yeah. No-discrimination policy.”

“Woojin and I told the principal what all happened, and Eunwoo backed us up,” Felix says, a small, self-satisfied grin teasing the edge of his lips.

“Seungmin also went to the principal,” Hyunjin says with a pointed look.

Changbin didn’t think his heart could inflate anymore than it has in the past few days, but he finds himself once again proven wrong.

“Tell Seungmin I’d die for him,” he says vehemently, and Hyunjin laughs.

“I’ll let him know. I’m sure he feels the same way.” He pauses thoughtfully. “I think we all do.”

*

After fourth period, Changbin takes a little longer than usual getting his things together before heading to lunch. He’s nervous, but he can’t exactly pinpoint why. His hearing aids feel heavy in his pocket.

When he finally walks in and sets his stuff down at the table, the other 8 are already there, looking up at him with matching grins.

“What?” he asks, sitting down and raising his eyebrows apprehensively.

“ _Happy birthday_!”

He stares at them all in silence for several seconds before breaking into awed laughter. He had completely forgotten that it was his birthday today. But they remembered. And then Felix is pushing a slightly-smushed cupcake toward him, and Chan is striking a match to light the candle, and he thinks he might cry.

“Don’t you dare sing,” he says instead, and they all laugh.

“Make a wish,” Jeongin says, bouncing in place. Changbin locks eyes with Felix for a second, then blows it out.

“You guys didn’t have to do this,” he says, pulling the cupcake apart with his fingers into 9 pieces.

“We couldn’t get seaweed soup to school,” Minho says ruefully. “So that’ll have to do. Also, yes we did, you idiot.”

Changbin bites his lip, grinning around the table. “I don’t—Thanks. All of you. Seriously. You guys are the best.”

“Ah, don’t get sappy,” Jisung laments, signing it for emphasis before slinging his arm over Changbin’s shoulders.

Felix laughs. He’s smiling with the rest of them, but he also looks apprehensive. “Actually,” he says, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “It’s probably about to get a lot sappier.”

Changbin stiffens, looking around at all of them, and then finally at the phone that Felix is pushing across the table towards him. Felix taps the table next to it to get his attention. “You brought them?” the blonde asks when Changbin finally looks up.

Changbin nods, takes his hearing aids out of his pocket. “Is your—Bluetooth on?” he asks, feeling a little silly. Felix nods. He syncs the two devices, puts his hearing aids in, and looks at what Felix has open on the screen. It’s just an unnamed audio file, about 6 minutes long.

“So… what is this?”

Felix is nervously chewing on his lip, but he smiles at him as blindingly as ever. “Just hit play. You’ll see.”

Changbin gives one last nervous look to the 8 of them. He swallows, adjusts his hearing aids, and hits play, looking down at the table to avoid seeing them all watching him.

For a second, it’s silent. Then a boy’s voice starts talking.

_“Hi, Changbin-ah! I guess you wouldn’t know my voice. It’s Chan! I know we haven’t known each other for very long, but you’re seriously one of the coolest people I’ve ever met. I’m glad you’ve been here for Felix. You’re a really good friend. You know I used to be scared of you? That’s embarrassing to admit, seeing as I’m your hyung. But seriously! You looked so scary. “_

Soft laughter through the tinny recording.

_“Now I know how wrong I was. You’re like, the softest guy ever. That’s not a bad thing. I’m really glad I’ve gotten to be your friend, Changbin-ah. Happy birthday!”_

It cuts off for a few seconds. Changbin feels like he’s stopped breathing. He doesn’t trust himself to look up at them.

_“Changbin-ah! It’s Woojin-hyung.”_

_“And Minho-hyung!”_ another voice adds in, muffled laughter in the background.

 _“Sorry we had to do our recordings at the same time,”_ Woojin’s voice continues. _“We just want to say that you are an incredible person and friend!”_

_“And we’re really glad to have gotten to know you this year!”_

_“You’re turning 18, Bin-ah! You’re becoming a man. That’s crazy. You’re already such a great kid and I just know—ow!—_ we _just know you’ll be an even better adult. Happy birthday!”_

 _“Yeah, happy birthday Bin-ah!”_ There’s a snort of laughter from Minho as the second recording cuts off. Changbin swallows thickly.

_“Changbin-hyung! It’s your favorite dongsaeng, Jeongin! Well, I hope I am at least. You’re my favorite hyung. Well, I’d understand if Felix was your favorite dongsaeng—ow! He just hit me. Anyway. You’re a great hyung. Thanks for being my friend all this time. You’re all the best hyungs I could ask for. I hope you don’t think my voice is stupid.”_

“Your voice isn’t stupid,” Changbin whispers without thinking, but he doesn’t look up at Jeongin to see his response, too focused on not crying.

_“You’re turning 18! That’s crazy. I hope I’m as cool as you when I become an adult. Happy birthday, Changbin hyung!”_

_“Yah, Binnie-hyung. It’s Seungminnie.”_ Long pause. _“I never really know what to say. I think you can tell I’m the quiet type. It works for us, right? Anyway. You’re one of the best people I know. I’m really glad to have you as a friend. I feel like we really understand each other, you know? You and Hyunjin have helped me so much. So I always wanna be here to help you. So talk to me anytime, okay? Or we can just stay quiet.”_ Soft laughter. Seungmin is just soft. _“That’s good too. Happy birthday, hyung!”_

Sitting next to him, Jisung leans onto Changbin’s shoulder, and grabs Changbin’s hand in his own to squeeze reassuringly. With his free hand, Changbin swipes at his traitorous eyes, sniffing a little as the silence between recordings plays out.

 _“What’s up, edgelord? It’s Jisung. Wow, I don’t know what to say. I feel like I tell you everything even as is. So I’ve got to think of something I want you to just hear in my voice, huh? Okay. You’re the best, you nerd. I know you act like you’re all dark but you’re one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. You make everyone’s lives better. I’m glad to be able to call you one of my best friends.”_ A pause. _“Ugh, that’s so emo. This is the only time I’ll say that. … Love you, hyung!”_

Changbin squeezes Jisung’s hand. He squeezes back.

 _“... Changbin-ah! It’s Hyunjinnie. I know you know my voice, though.”_ He does. _“Felix had this idea for your birthday. I can’t believe we never thought of anything like it before. But then again being smart isn’t exactly our specialty, huh? Or mine at least. You always seem good at everything. I really admire you, you know that right?”_ There’s a pause. Hyunjin’s voice sounds a little shaky.

Changbin registers that by now he is openly crying, and cusses softly, wiping his eyes as he stares determinedly at the table. _“I know I tease you a lot, but I really do look up to you. You’re the best friend I could ever ask for. And now I’m getting emo. I’ll cut it off here before I start crying. I bet you’re already crying by now, though. You always were emotional. Happy birthday Changbinnie!”_

Changbin buries his face in his hands. He knows who is next. He was definitely not emotionally prepared, and is a little mortified to be sobbing in the middle of the cafeteria like this.

_“... Hey. Changbinnie-hyung.”_

Felix’s voice is _deep._ Much deeper than Changbin had expected. How the hell does a voice like that come from a face like that?

_“It’s, uh, Felix. I don’t really have money to buy you a real present, so I had the idea to do this instead since Chris—Chan, I mean, has some recording equipment. I hope this is okay. I just want to say thank you? Like, so much. Moving here has been… really fucking hard. And I’m just so glad I met Jisung and Chan and that they introduced me to you and to everyone. You’re… You’re great. The best. Like… Just. Really smart and cool and handsome and an all around great hyung, you know… Fuck. I’ll stop before I embarrass myself more than I already have, huh? Happy birthday, Binnie. Binnie-hyung. I always forget that. Anyway. I—we all love you.”_

There’s a sort of fumbling noise, then the recording shuts off, for good this time. Changbin keeps staring at the table for several seconds, rubbing the tears from his eyes. He’s embarrassed and overwhelmed and full of love. Once he’s regained some composure, he looks up, meeting Felix’s eyes.

“Did… did you like it?” Felix asks, looking very nervous. “Like… were those happy tears, or like… angry tears, or… “

He trails off nervously as Changbin stands up, walks over to him, and then practically tackles him with a hug, bruised ribs be damned. He presses his face in Felix’s soft hoodie and feels Felix’s arm settle around his shoulders, nervously at first, then squeezing tighter. After several long seconds (that would have been longer had they not been in the middle of the cafeteria), Changbin pulls away. “It was perfect,” he tells him with as much conviction as he can muster.

He looks at the other 7 boys. “All of you idiots are perfect. Fucking—c’mere.” He slings an arm around Jeongin, who’s the closest. Their maknae looks up with shining eyes.

“My voice isn’t annoying?” he asks with a smile. Changbin laughs.

“Nah. A very good voice.” He ruffles his hair, before moving on to hug the rest of them.

“Ok, hyung,” laughs Hyunjin, trying to pull away from the over-affectionate shorter boy. “We get it. You’re a sap.”

“You all made me this way! Plus, _you_ ‘admire’ me, so—” Hyunjin slaps his hand over Changbin’s mouth. Changbin tries to bite it. The table quickly dissolves into their normal chatter and banter, which Changbin sits and observes, unable to remove the small smile from his face. His whole world might just be 8 boys squeezed into one lunch table, and that is perfectly fine.

**  
**

*

Somehow during 5th period it gets out that Jaeyoung has been expelled for perpetrating a hate crime. ‘Hate crime.’ Ouch. After that, people seem to be on the lookout for the victim of that attack, and Changbin feels the eyes on his bruised face. He must look like a hate crime. But even this thought isn’t enough to tarnish his mood.

Eunwoo approaches him in passing period. Looking at the boy, Changbin is reminded of kicks to the stomach and arms holding him down. But on the other hand, he also recalls that Eunwoo apparently had had a hand in Jaeyoung’s expulsion. He grits his teeth, looking the other boy up and down.

“What do you want?” he asks apprehensively. Eunwoo hesitates.

“I just want to say sorry,” he says. Then he frowns. “Wait. I don’t know sign language--should I--”

“I can read your lips,” Changbin interrupts him, doubly annoyed. “And okay? I don’t care about your apology.”

“Yeah. I know.” Eunwoo bites his lip. “And I want to just let you know… I know Jaeyoung’s a dick. We all do. But it’s not… His dad is--not the best. You… you weren’t the only one getting beat up.”

Changbin looks at him for a long time, then says, “But I was the only one getting beat up in a situation where he had the control.” Eunwoo starts to say something else, but Changbin cuts him off. “I’m sorry that he’s dealing with that. I hope he can get out of that situation. But I also… “ He signs, glancing down the hallway, then looking back up at Eunwoo. “Thanks for telling me, I guess. I can’t forgive him though. Not for all of it. Especially when he’s not even the one apologizing.”

Eunwoo purses his lips, but nods slowly. “I get that.”

“Good.” Changbin starts to leave, then turns back. “I’d also appreciate it if you--and Kwangsoo too, if he wasn’t expelled--never talked to me or any of my friends again. No hard feelings. Except yeah. Hard feelings.” Eunwoo gulps, but nods resolutely without saying anything. Without another look at the other boy, Changbin turns and heads towards his next class. His heart is conflicted now, but still light.

After school ends, Changbin is standing outside waiting for his friends when Woojin jogs up to him.

“Hey, hyung,” Changbin says, a little surprised. He usually doesn’t see Woojin after school. The older boy looks at him with an unreadable expression.

“So… what’s the deal?” he asks. “With you and Felix.”

Changbin blushes. “We’re friends,” he says carefully. Woojin gives him a look, and he sighs.

“Am I that obvious?” Woojin nods with a small grin. “Yeah, I like him. But we’re still just friends.”

“Why?”

“Why? What do you mean _why_? Because he doesn’t--because I’m just--because.”

Woojin looks at him pityingly. “Changbin. I’ve spent a lot of time alone with Felix this year. He talks about you like you hung the stars in the sky.”

Changbin stares at him, lost for words. There’s no way.

“If you really still think Felix doesn’t like you like that… I don’t know what to tell you,” the older boy continues. “Especially after what he did today.”

Woojin claps Changbin on the back. “Make a move,” he advises, before jogging off in the opposite direction, leaving Changbin standing there in shock, mouth ajar. All this time he has been refusing to let himself get his hopes up. But Woojin would not lie to him.

Which means…

He’d distracted by Hyunjin and Seungmin’s sudden arrival. “Felix texted me to wait for him,” Seungmin says, and Changbin almost wants to scream that _NO,_ they can’t wait, they have to leave right away. He doesn’t know if he has the courage to face him now. He doesn’t know what to say.

Felix shows up a couple minutes later, slightly out of breath from the jog across campus. “Had to talk to a teacher,” he explains. Changbin just nods tersely, brain whirring with all the new information and possibilities. He sets off walking without a word, leaving the other three to trail behind.

Hyunjin goes home with Seungmin, and he and Felix spend the walk to Changbin’s in silence. Changbin can’t tell if it’s amicable or awkward. Changbin turns to face Felix when they arrive at his house. He realises it’s the first time they’ve made eye contact since they left school. Felix looks confused, and a little hurt. Changbin panics. He grabs Felix’s hand, squeezes it, then pulls him into his house and up the stairs.

They end up sitting on the bed, facing each other like they always do. Felix looks less hurt now, but no less confused.

“Hyung?” he asks, brow crinkling adorably. “Are you okay?”

Changbin swallows and nods. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just… thinking.”

“Oh.”

There’s a long pause.

“Thank you. For what you did. That… It really means a lot.”

“Oh, it’s nothing, hyung,” Felix says, scratching his neck.

“It’s not nothing, though. It…” Frustrated, Changbin exhales heavily. “You’re like… really important to me, you know that?”

Felix blushes. It’s outrageously adorable. His hair is fluffy and windblown, and he’s wearing a sweater that he has pulled over his hands. Changbin thinks the universe created Lee Felix because it wants Changbin, specifically, to die. He’s fine with that.

“You’re really important to me, too,” Felix says shyly, the hint of a smile showing on his lips.

“Okay. And I do mean--like. Important. Like Hyunjin and Jisung and Seungmin and everyone are important to me too, right, but you’re like. A different important.”

He averts his gaze from Felix. If he sees his reaction, he won’t have the courage to continue, and he has to continue.

“Fuck. Did I fuck it up? I don’t know. I’m not good at stuff like this. You’re really cute and you make me feel really stupid but in like a good way and--and you have fucking _freckles,_ do you know how god damn _rude_ that is, and your nose is like so small and perfect and I just want to like fucking poke it all the time, or like kiss it or something soft like that, and you do this little half smile thing and it’s really--and I’m just really gay? Really gay. I don’t know. I mean--I do. Sorry. Fuck. Sorry--”

His rambling is cut off when Felix grabs both his hands. Changbin nervously lifts his gaze to see Felix smiling at him, eyes crinkled up and front teeth showing slightly. “Hyung,” he says. “I’m gonna kiss you now.”

“Okay,” Changbin breathes, and then Felix leans in, and his lips are as soft as they look, and okay. Okay. Okay.

Felix pulls away after just a few seconds, but Changbin is already breathless. Felix giggles at him, then lifts his hands to sign, _You’re pretty cute, you know._

“Oh. No. Bye,” Changbin says, blushing furiously and trying to bury his face in his blankets. Felix just laughs harder and pulls him back, pressing their lips together again.

Changbin’s heart’s been through a lot the past few days, but _this_ feels like fireworks, like flames, like someone is striking a match on each of his ribs. _This,_ he will never get used to. _This_ is ephemeral and beautiful and Lee Felix.

He moves one hand from the back of Felix’s neck (when did it get there) to sign _I love you._ He knows Felix didn’t see it. But that’s okay. They have time.

*****

 

(+ bonus: The next day at school, they walk into the cafeteria holding hands. Chan and Jisung whoop obnoxiously. With a groan, Minho passes 50,000 won to a broadly grinning Jeongin. “I thought you’d take at least until February,” he explains, trying to hold back a smile. Felix hides his blushing face in Changbin’s neck, and Changbin just laughs. He wouldn’t trade these 8 idiots for the world.)

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos would be greatly appreciated!!
> 
> if you enjoyed it and have a few dollars to spare for a coffee for ur local broke lesbian student, my kofi is [here!!](https://ko-fi.com/jisquish) if not, no worries, ilysm <33
> 
> my tumblr is [jisapphic](https://jisapphic.tumblr.com) and my twitter is [jisquishie](https://twitter.com/jisquishie), if you wanna come scream at me about SKidz im always down ~~
> 
> also read my [ongoing chaptered fic please](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15154520/chapters/35143880)
> 
>  
> 
>  **edit** : it's only been a day and already 100 kudos and 600+ views ??? thank u so much so much so much and all ur comments are so nice wow ily all sm :')))
> 
>  **2 days after that^ edit again** : THANK YOU SO MUCH for 1100+ views and 200+ kudos u are all the nicest people in the woRLD. all ur comments have my whole entire heart ~
> 
> i've just started writing a woochan oneshot so if you happen to be reading this now look out for that in the next week or so!! <333
> 
>  **edit 4/12/18:** WOW THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 2000 VIEWS AND 300 KUDOS. all your comments have made me so happy and i can't believe the response i've gotten on this silly little fic. thank you from the bottom of my heart. love you all to death


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